Wednesday, February 10, 2010

There are times when I'd wonder to myself why I'm not as happy as those I see when I flip some random facebook pictures.

There are times when I'd question myself again and again and again.

There are times like these.

Staying at home on my own... Depresses me.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 1:28 PM

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

East Spring

Went back to ESPS with Jocelyn, Marvin and Edwin today.
It was good fun and touching at the same time.
Seeing the teachers that taught and groomed us during our primary school years...
Words just cannot describe how I felt. But it felt really good.

Well with that, most of the teachers we visited remembered who I was, being the naughty, playful, crybaby and high profile person I was with the 'oh-so-awesome' grades. That was 6 years ago, mind you.
We first met Mdm Teo(whom I always got into trouble with when I was in Primary 2) when we entered the General Office.
This was followed by Mdm Chua (P5 C/HCL teacher), Mdm Lim (P5/6 Form teacher), Mr Tan (Random C teacher that used to relief-teach us), Mdm Jumidah (Primary 4 Music Teacher), Mrs Christopher (DM), Mr Yeo (Random Math teacher that relief-taught us) and then Mrs Lee (My ex choir-conductor and P2 Music teacher).
We saw Mdm Lim on our way to the hall. The kids were having this mass PE session where they were attempting to dance to the famous Wondergirls' song.

At the end of it all we met Mdm Lim again. I ended off the visitation by saying she looked prettier (I should have said she's still as pretty as ever before because she has always been so pretty =.=").
She really inspired me on to be the best that I could be back in 2003 when I was in my final year there at ESPS.
And till today I'm kinda sorry I made teaching (quite) hard for her. (D:)
She said that she remembered me as this fluent and confident presenter, and that now my looks have changed.
I hope to see her around some time again soon. (With my hair gone D;)

It's truly amazing how I was able to remember my primary school days, friends and teachers with such detail as I raised the happenings of the past as we all conversed with the teachers we met.
Marvin was like 'If only such memory can be used for your academic studies' and I was like LOL.
I just happen to remember all of these, and I thank God for such a memory and such memories.

Thank you all so much friends for coming down with me.
Thank you Jocelyn for initiating the visit too.
Lastly, thank you all ESPS teachers for the memories forged.

East Spring, is where we are from~
East Spring, is where our loyalty lies~
We pledge to give our best with pride in all our work~~

Laughed Jun Hao, at 5:44 PM

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Downed knees

I feel that the family I'm in is going to break apart real soon.

I'm really tired of how every part of my life's not going my way now.
Too tired to the point that, depressed as I am, I no longer care about what else is coming my way next.

All I hope God can give me now, is for my Grandpa to be healthier.
I'm too tired inside, to wish for anything else.
God, please, I beg of you.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 1:30 AM

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Exclusive

Everything we have achieved so far.
Everything we have done so far.
They are all but culminations of everything else that have happened before.

Culminations don't necessarily mean the end of everything.
They themselves may be a stage reached, a stage one can use in propelling one further to greater stages in his/her life.
In this case.
My existence in St John is by itself a culmination of everything else that led me to that decision of joining a CCA that had totally no link at all to my passions.
And it continues to culminate. To where, well I'll probably never know.
For now. I just help in whatever way possible.
That's why I called the post Culminate.

There are reasons as to why I name a post the way that it is named.
Sometimes a word itself speaks a thousand words. Sometimes, we require a phrase.
As such, my dear reader, never ever neglect my post names.
They could well mean something my posts don't directly say.
After all, there ARE people I don't know who read my blog and I have to be real careful with whatever I say online.

Went out with Sabrina, Yu Kun and Wen Bin today!
The 407 gathering became a 4 people rendezvous that well, was still fun. ^^
Ate at Popeye's (Century Square) before going window shopping around TM and CS.
We chatted, tried to get Wen Bin to ask us the 'stupid question' (but failed) as well as played SG mahjong through our iTouches.
Met Jianle!, Jeremiah, Jia Xin and a few other TJ juniors at Popeye's!
(Argh got spotted by Jeremiah)
I thought I kinda surprised Jianle!. Haha she went 'EHH!' before she waved with a smile. :D
I was wondering why some of the juniors who didn't know me waved along with them =.="
That was not all; met Shawn (choir) later at Yamaha! He looked so cool being bald and tanned haha! (Not looking forward to NS though!)
So we talked awhile before he met up with Wen Bin at Popular.
To my surprise, I met Amos and Elmo (Zheng Wei) at Popular!
Familiar faces everywhere. Glad to have so many friends like all of you around too ^^

After window shopping, I parted ways with the guys (Sab went to work while Yu Kun bought his Gundam figurine set) to borrow some books from the library.
After that, with still some time left in my hands before my Mum officially called me back home, I went back to Tampines Mall to look around again.
It was then that I realised that it was really hard for me to buy anything because I'd feel reluctant using my own hard-earned money on anything I felt like buying. D:
I hate to use my parents' money. I hate to use even my own hard-earned money.
The efforts behind such money... They really make me hesitant spending on anything.
So dumb right? Haha! Like who will think that much before they spend.
Still I'm not one who can easily spend large sums of money before actually earning real income at adult rates. Having said that, even if I do start earning as an adult I'd most probably not spend large sums of money too.
I always consider the rate of returns before spending on anything too. ^^
I'm, perhaps like my mum, a careful spender. ^^

Alrights, time to contine replying my juniors' reflections.
Chinese New Year's starting next week!

Laughed Jun Hao, at 8:22 PM

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Before I explain 'Culminate', I'd just like to say...

Laughed Jun Hao, at 11:46 PM

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Culminate.
Why culminate?

Continue wondering.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 8:44 PM

New update coming soon.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 12:19 AM

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Culminate

Getting frustrated or angry over things doesn't solve anything.
Being calm even in the worst of things... Makes you look cool and steady.
It also gives you a clear mind in solving the problem better.

So whatever happens.
Just be calm.
Well, I experienced that.
So I now know it works. (;

Went back to St John today to see if I can help out in any way.
I implemented this journal review technique on Squad 3. Wonder if it'll work?
Still. I have my reasons for doing anything.
For this, it's so to help my previous CCA in whatever way possible before I leave.

No matter how others might have thought of me in the past.
I still believe I belong to AHSJAB.
Because you guys, Yi Yang and AA'07 gang, taught me to believe in that. ^^
I will always do.

I truly believe that the will to be disciplined can be counselled with patience and hence strengthened.
Something I learned from Ms Jennifer Tham.
Haha I realised I'm exchanging techniques between two CCAs of very different worlds.

Actually I wished to continue typing about my St John experience of three years.
But I've decided to let those times go and concentrate on the future that awaits me.
It can be really tiring at times clinging on to the past.

With that, I will stand by AHSJAB as well as TJChoir for as long as I breathe.

I have more to type.
However I shall stop here, get a few songs and then go to bed.
Having a splitting headache now after today's session with the cadets.
I will continue this post, and probably answer (for the first time) why I gave such a title to this post.

Lastly,
God bless Sheng Ya for his surgery tomorrow.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 12:10 AM

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I truly believe in being calm in the face of adversity.

Will elaborate more later.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 7:10 PM

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Cup of tea, with some lemon juice today.

All characters described in this post are purely fictional.
Any identical characters with identical stories as those used in this post is just the result of coincidence.
Reader discretion is advised.

I tried to console her because I knew she'd be upset with her failure in entering the school of her choice. School V.
She entered School T which is also one of the top few schools.
She, like me 2 years ago, aimed for better schools.
Come on, who doesn't right?
So...
I knew of this junior who did not manage to enter school T even with the same points as her.
So I told that to her in the hope of cheering her up a little.
I wanted her to know how lucky she was; well I assumed that'll make her feel better.
Because I totally know how she felt, being one who experienced it all before.
This is how cruel our education system can be at times.
And I just told her to cherish this chance of her entering school T, since it wasn't even her first choice (but she still managed to enter unlike the other junior of mine).

I thought things would work out fine and stuff like that.
I thought that unlike before, she'd probably appreciate it a little better.
I was like 'care not about the past'.
Then she went 'YYSSW'.
It's really super 'KISS' lor.
I knew the abbreviation stood for something bad. Still I tried to console her.
Then, being the frog in the well I was, I went to find out from friends what YYSSW could possibly stand for.
'Yeah yeah sure sure whatever'.
So I just stunned for a moment, picked up my handphone, and together with the accumulation of distaste I had for her past rudeness, just slammed her for being so unappreciative.
Even in the process of doing so, I softened with a 'jiayou' at the very end of my messages. I think if it were you my dear reader you'd not be that nice.

Then she actually gave me the most sarcastic remark I've ever had in my whole 18 years of living.
To get such a remark from her, one I always thought was one of the nicest juniors of mine 2 years ago; well I reckoned she'd changed to be a little more blunt with her words recently but still I never did expect that from her.
Even the most abhorrent person I've met in my life so far never went that far.

So it went like this.
'Fine. TYVM I appreciate it so very much. Yr advice is so valuable. I'm so GLAD I made the RIGHT choice. Not to forget, a big :D for you'
Just these few words. Short and sweet.

It was the BOMB. I was walking towards Tanah Merah MRT when I received the message; I really nearly fell off the hill.
I didn't know how to react to that message.
A part of me obviously felt sad/angry/disappointed over the message.
The other part of me, triggered partly by James' thinking as well my mine, felt rather empathetic for her.
After all I did go through what she's going through now; well if it were me I'd probably not go 'YYSSW' but I'd still be rather irritable.

So amidst the mixed feelings.
I just lay (laid= laid eggs don't come play play) down my pride and apologised.
Although meimei once told me not to do so because that'll prove her point that she's right (though I never did think she had such a point to prove).
Although another good friend of mine once told me it's not worth my time anyway.

As expected anyway.
She did not reply.
She'd probably not reply in a very, very long time too.
Something which well, saddens me.

Because despite how she'd treated me in the past.
Be it giving me random questions without the basic courtesy of saying hello first, which in turn makes me feel as if I'm some dead information counter and not her friend; Be it not answering my question and then expecting me to reply her question first; Be it logging off in front of my face without a word of goodbye, etc.
I still treat her as a friend of mine.
I still remember the affinity we once had when her words weren't as blunt.
And to see this friendship always landing up in such a state.
Well I guess it really saddens me and probably her as well, innately or not.

This is just one of the great many bad things that have happened in my life recently.
Just three days ago I actually broke up all friendship ties with this other junior of mine because she broke all of her promises to me. It's been three years.
Though I actually went 'may we never cross paths again', I still cherish the affinity (if any) we once had too and I still hope we'd remain as friends. What irony.

Till now I still hope that other friend of mine would reply to that message of mine.
I think my wait will last for eternity. I asked for what saddens me now.

I won't know exactly how this other friendship of mine would go.
After all, even a consolation in its purest of all forms could become a spark that ultimately led to a conflagration of nasty flames.
Still, I really, really, really hope she'll abandon all hopes of going to school V and just concentrate all of her hopes and efforts now into settling down in school T.
I really wish her all the best in setting down in school T.

I really, really do wish for the best for her.
I just don't know why all of these shit happens everytime.

You know, I even read her blog and realised that she actually thanked me for helping her with part of her studies. That goes to show that amidst all that had happened, she's actually not that ungrateful. She DOES appreciate, but somehow it takes time to show...

Well, with that.
I guess I'll leave everything else to her now.
Be strong alright.

With that, the end of this story.
Closing of another chapter.

The start of another.
MAHJONG!

Had Mahjong session with Sabrina, Guo Dong and Perry today.
It's so sad that Guo Dong's enlisting NEXT WEEK D;

Well Mahjong's fun and it's REALLY my cup of tea but...
As I said, I'm not a noob player; I was really just super suay.
After throwing out a 666 (the devil's number) for my three dices, I actually lost almost every subsequent round =.=
(So please beware of that you-know-what number.)

I actually became so super duperly in debt!
Fortunately I managed to slice a nice proportion of that debt with quite a rare set for me which rounded up today's Mahjong session.
A 'De Javu' for Perry and Sabrina ^^

Laughed Jun Hao, at 7:58 PM

Firstly before I start this post...
Just for one tag...

@Grace: Which Grace are you? Haha. I know 6 Graces.

Now to start this post.

I'm tired.
I shall go sleep.

^^

Laughed Jun Hao, at 1:31 AM

Monday, January 25, 2010

God give me the strength to chiong music theory.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 11:41 PM

[Title]

'Good' news.
Surgery on 14th April.
2pm Changi General Hospital.
Local anaesthesia.
I'm going to scream in pain trust me on that.

'Bad' news.
I'm currently rotting at home now.
I don't have any drive at all to do anything, seriously.

Haiz.
My life sucks even without school...
I have lost all directions in life.
Let's laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Coffee dunking time.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 4:52 PM

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I want to learn how to use Korg music synthesizers!

Laughed Jun Hao, at 3:44 PM

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The sun has never been that irritating before.
Well there's always a first to everything in our lives.

As time continues to run...
Things continue to change...

Sound like a broken record here but yes people are starting to see.

Hmm.
Wonder though if I've made the right move?

Laughed Jun Hao, at 6:42 PM

Friday, January 22, 2010

Went back to St John followed by Choir.

Thank you all. (:
Thank you Lord for making me feel happy for once. (:

Laughed Jun Hao, at 10:17 PM

Continue taking my presence for granted. You may not have a chance to do so anymore. (;

Laughed Jun Hao, at 12:27 AM

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Jun Hao, hold on.
Stop expecting so much from friendships.

I should be better off without friends.
They suffer when I'm around with them.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 4:38 PM

Awry

I'm absolutely furious at how things have been going.
My days cannot get any worse seriously.

Still, telling people won't help.
If I rant too much here people's tongues' still wag.

Zzzz.

Laughed Jun Hao, at 9:55 AM

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Song Review 1

For me to like a song, it must FIRST satisfy three criteria.
- Good Tune
- Good Rhythm
- Good Lyrics

Then it must give me what I call the 'Gwarrrrhhh' feeling.
That feeling burns me up from within, lifts me up, brings me down, inspires me, makes me long to hear the song again, makes me want to understand the song, its lyrics and the entire story behind the song, etc...

The singer behind need not have the best vocals; a unique style that brings forth what the singer truly wants to give to the listener suffices.

Currently. A handful of singer-songwriters have achieved that 'expectation' of my taste. Not that it's any significant since I'm so untalented.

Of them, Adam Young from Owl City.

To be honest with you, when I first heard this song I really felt so inspired and determined that everything would work out. I teared as well listening to that song.

With that, the lyrics to the song.
When you understand what they mean, you'll truly appreciate the song even more.

If My Heart Was A House

You're the sky that I fell through
And I remember the view
Whenever I'm holding you
The sun hung from a string
Looking down on the world as it warms over everything
Chills run down my spine
As our fingers entwine
And your sighs harmonize with mine
Unmistakably
I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me
We got older and I should've known (Do you feel alive?)
That I'd feel colder when I walk alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you when you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

It makes me smile because you said it best
I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west
Flower balm perfume, all my clothes smell like you
Cause your favorite shade is navy blue
I walk slowly when I'm on my own (Do you feel alive?)
Yeah, but frankly I still feel alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you when you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

If my heart was a house you'd be home

-end-

Laughed Jun Hao, at 11:16 AM

The Dude

.:Chan Jun Hao Benjamin:.

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